Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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