I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
