Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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