She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
