Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
