Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize