Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
