goodnight i made you a song goodbye
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
