i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
