Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Dicks are not precious.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
