they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
