I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
