I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
Randomize