I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
