If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Randomize
