My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
