Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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