sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
well, you know. whores of a feather.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
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