im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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