I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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