Walk of Shame. In a state park.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
