I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
