Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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