dude i'm inner monologue high
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
