she was so not down for the gang bang
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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