I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
