did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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