Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
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