New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize