Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
whose ass print is on the piano?
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Randomize
