Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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