sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
