watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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