yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
