So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Randomize
