Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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