Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
