just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
