yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
