yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
