I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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