I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
