3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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