Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
