It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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