sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
She told me I should be a condom model.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
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