tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Randomize
