Grow some girl-balls and come out already
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
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