I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Randomize
