they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Randomize
