SEEEEXXX PLEASE
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
