I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Randomize
