She just used a chaser for red wine.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize