she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize
