I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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