NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
