First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
i will never coherently bang her
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
