If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
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