Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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