I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
