It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
My liver just had a heart attack.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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