You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Randomize
