I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Randomize
