am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
