what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
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