so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
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