Someone shit on the floor
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
