I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I FOUND THE LEGS
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Randomize
