Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize