Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Randomize
