I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Dick very happy bro
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
