Cold hands, warm shart.
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
