Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
