you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
So many bounce houses so little time
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Randomize
