jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Randomize
