You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
