Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
