the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize