I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
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