Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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