things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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